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And, so, we begin...

Leaves falling in mysterious autumn forest with fog

Taken by the Wind

August 1, 1998

And so it was all the same as it had always been. Nothing had changed, yet it was different. Her heart was an empty cup, devoid of the smallest drop to quench her parched spirit. And low, she sat and waited for the cup to fill again.

Breathing in and out, each breath taking her farther and farther away from the ache that threatened to overwhelm her. She hovered somewhere outside herself, still waiting. No words were needed, the story could be read with one look in her eyes.

She had seen too much, felt too much – but her heart kept on beating betraying the barrenness in her soul.

The wind blew through the trees, sweet, soft, it called her to the sky. She drifted with each flower, the sweet scents driving her melancholy, oh, the longing…

There would be at times a remembrance of a touch or a feeling. These memories of past moments drove her deeper – away from her body. A body that longed for a soft caress, just as her heart ached to be full again.

People are often afraid to look at the happiness that is offered to them, because accepting those gifts can bring with them frightening responsibilities. Do you remember I said that people shouldn’t live with regrets? Some people choose to make a collection of them for old age.

A Slice of Cake on a Table

An undelivered birthday wish

September 20, 1998

The card ended “I wanted to give you feelings of happiness…”

There was a simple gift that was to go with this, that was not delivered. What I really wanted was to give a moment of joy. I wanted to give the feeling of being special and those things you feel deeply within yourself when you know you’re cherished.

I missed that goal and it made me sad to realize that there was nothing I could offer, nothing I could say or do, to give the feelings I’d hoped for. It was a soul too tired and parched, and all the love in the world can not give ease.

Giving is an important thing to allow ourselves, it’s also an important thing to allow others to do. Sometimes sitting passively and letting others do things is a great gift in itself. I don’t think I could have understood that in such a simple way if it hadn’t been for this terrible birthday.

“If you find it in your heart to care for someone else,
you will have succedeed.”
– Maya Angelou

Footprint in the sand

I walk alone

September 26, 1998

I walk alone,
for who can champion,
the champion,
Who can care for
the caretaker
Who can hold
The Mother?

Eurasian collared dove (Streptopelia decaocto)

Man is free

September 28, 1998

Man is free
at the moment he wishes to be.
– Voltaire

When people are so sad and focused on the dark, negatives of their life I wish they could look at one tiny good and positive thing. The longer you focus on that small thing, the more energy that little spark of light has and the brighter it will shine. Soon it will glow and illuminate the darkness showing you that without the shadows the problems aren’t so large.

Hope can bring amazing changes to your life, it only needs to begin with one small spark to light the way.

couple in love

Seasons of the Heart

November 12, 1998

One love leaves us, another comes.
Memories linger as new ones appear.
Questioning – are we ready?

The heart beats its fickle beat,
Loving, longing, hating.
Passion flows towards a new affection.
We quiver at the unfamiliar touch.
Mourning for what was not,
Praying we do not miss what may be.

The silent anger rages,
We smile at our new companion.
We linger over a new pair of lips,
Simmering for the old familiar scents.
The dark and rainy days pass slowly,
Soon we notice sun,
And we smile into the eyes or our chosen one.

Gruinard Beach in Scotland

The Next Steps…

November 13, 1998
I stand quiet on the path
Gazing around
At familiar scenery.I know
It’s time to move on.
The future calls.

There’s so much waiting,
So much left to see,
Do and explore.

So many people to meet,
Touch, love,
And comfort.

I take the first steps forward
And begin to shed the shell
Of the woman that was.

Beneath,
Will be uncovered,
The woman of the universe.

She who is peaceful, joyful,
Exuberant, patient, calm
And graceful.

Alone she stands
Smiling,
Watching the travelers go by.

She observes them unmoving,
Smiling politely,
Offering a nod to those familiar to her.

Suddenly she blends with another,
Light radiates as they share the path
Together.

A perfect union is formed,
For a moment their hearts
Beat in unison.

Slowly the light shifts
And there are two flames moving,
Slightly apart.

They move in the same direction,
At the same pace, but separate.
The coronas barely touch.

She pauses again,
Her light glows softly.
She smiles and pats another’s hand.

A light shimmers around the traveler,
A simple soft hue, she nods
And moves forward again.

 The path around her brightens,
With each step the flowers appear more vivid,
The colors of life more vibrant.Her presence is felt,
Not always openly acknowledged,
Prayers of thanks follow behind her.

Standing quietly,
Smiling in her path, with alert eyes
Is a man.

There is a hint of mirth
And keen intelligence
In his face.

He sees her
For all of who
She is.

He nods to her, and she smiles,
A special, secret smile and they turn
In unison, walking, smiling together.

His touch is light, but creates amazing sparks,
She laughs and turns with her head
Thrown back arms wide.

He laughs
And stands
Perfectly still.

Her lips graze his
And again
There is a spark of beautiful flashes of light.

His eyes are hungry,
As they walk
Once more.

His fingers ruffle her hair
And a softness like velvet
Envelopes them.

She sighs, her hands finding his chest,
then his shoulders.
They embrace.

The world around,
Is at first silent,
Then a gentle melody fills the air.

The lights blend
And swirl then shoot out
Illuminating the night with Joy.

Cast your eyes to the ocean, cast your soul to the sea.
When the darkness seems endless, please remember me.

– L. McKennitt