A soft reverent kiss lips touch and then part.
Tenderness.
Hands stroke smooth skin sweet embrace.
Shelter.
Lost in the blending reunion.
Familiarity.
Lovers gentle touch, sigh.
Déjà vu.
Across many lives one hand holds another
never saying goodbye.
Hello.
There was a little girl who was floating on a flying carpet. Although she could see many different people she could never seem to get the carpet to slow down long enough or hover low enough for her to get a chance to talk to them. She had been through many strange and wonderful lands. When she was hungry or thirsty the carpet would slow down just long enough for her to get food from a merchant’s stall, pick something from a fruit tree or grab up a plate from a full table.
At night the girl would snuggle down on the carpet and fall asleep. The carpet would fluff around her, making a softer bed for her to lie on. The carpet always seemed to choose places with soothing noises at night, to comfort the little girl as she slept.
The little girl often felt sad and alone, for although the carpet took care of all her needs she had no one to talk to. She was curious about the families she saw doing things together and the lovers they occasionally came upon in the night. Sometimes, with the force of intense longing and great sorrow the little girl would cry. The carpet would fold around her and hold her gently then, rocking her, taking her higher into the clouds.
She tried to be happy with her life on the carpet, tried to be happy for the people she saw in these strange lands. But there was always this hunger that never seemed to go away. The deep pit of sadness that the carpet could never find a way to appease.
Yes, this story speaks volumes about the woman who’s words you are reading. Along with the capacity for great love and giving is a great sadness. Sadness that the love of her life is still to come – fear that when they arrive she’ll scare them away. Of course, if they’re easily frightened they’re probably not hers anyway.
“We are the boat we are the sea
I sail in you you sail in me…”
“…so with our hopes we set the sails and we face the winds once
more and with our hearts we chart the water never sailed before”
– Somos El Braco
Without hope and the spirit of adventure we stay in the same place never seeing anything new, never risking – never gaining. Without the ability to move ahead we cease to grow, we cease to live. To hell with maintaining the “Status Quo” live your life to the fullest, don’t measure how you live by someone else’s standards, use your own yardstick and measure it against what you want it to be. If you don’t know, go out and make something up, explore, find something new. Don’t let fear or ignorance keep you from the discovery of wonderful things.
“Maria, you must go out and find your life”.
What a wonderful quote from The Sound of Music. Life is not something that happens to you, it’s not something to hide from, it’s something to embrace and relish. Be open to new people and experiences. A small moment can alter forever.
Before we met,
my heart belonged with you
Before I was born,
my heart belonged to you
As a smiling toddler with baby curls,
my heart beat in time with you
When I started school on that first day,
my heart smiled for you
In my first heels and girlish makeup,
my heart was pure for you
First loves sweet kisses made me sigh,
my heart saved room for you
Growing pains and maturity, time passed so patiently,
my heart that beats with you
One moment we touched and I saw,
my heart belonged to you
I have a really hard time appreciating this poem. It feels like something a teenager would write, immature in some way. However, I’ve had several women tell me that they really enjoyed it, that it touched them in a special way. I suppose this is the way we all want to feel when we’ve meet someone we think might be special and we think we have come to the beginning of falling in love.
| Not Love!
How dare you. Don’t say the word. You cannot hope. You mustn’t try. It is not now! It is not Love. So little time. Too much to feel. It is not Love. |
I never said it was.
It could be love not today, but one day I can hope. Perhaps, some day. I know, not now. I did not say. Just…one day. So much to feel. It could be love one day. |
But it’s okay.
Perhaps one day. Yes, I can see a little sprout maybe will grow. It will take time and gentle care. I can see the way. Let us feel, and enjoy. Let’s watch it grow. |
I’ve been accused of giving my heart too quickly, that my love meant nothing because it was so easily given. It’s also been said that perhaps I allowed myself to be too vulnerable. That I should close up and not trust so much, not give so much. I think the full point behind that remark was that I, in some way, deserved what I got. Does a woman deserve to be raped for wearing a skirt? Unprovoked violence or a violation of another person, body or trust, is never warranted.
My love life has sometimes been rocky but I really love who I am today and I wouldn’t have gotten here without most of the difficult things that have happened in my life, there are very few things I look back on today with regret. And those things I do regret I don’t carry with me like a burden, they helped to mold me, I don’t have to like the lessons as long as I love myself. I’m sharing with you things that might have been very painful once but may not be today. I may share with you thoughts that I have since changed over time, that doesn’t make the ones I choose to share less valid. I want you to feel, and think and take things with you to mull over in your mind later – next week, a month or a year, or more from today.
But, those two comments together started me thinking about personal responsibility and how maybe people think they can get by with treating others disrespectfully while hiding behind the 90’s catch-phrase Personal Responsibility. “It’s not my fault she got hurt simply because she doesn’t have good boundaries.” I dunno, I think that we all have a responsibility to treat others in a fair and humane way. And that we shouldn’t have to worry that if we are being open with someone we are going to be taken advantage of.
I’d much rather give someone the benefit of the doubt and be wrong than to not trust someone and miss a true connection. Frankly, I’m glad that I have the ability to love humanity so freely, I wish more people could give and receive love that way.
I really believe that the world would be a better place, if more people were willing to love with blind-faith.
I am to him,
like a moth to a flame.
I fly heedless of the danger
to his brilliance, again and again.
My wings flutter faster and faster frantic
with my desire to touch him, even as my heart burns.
Like a moth outside a window,
I beat myself against the unseen barrier.
My body bruised and broken,
my spirit drives me on.
His fantastic light draws me closer still,
I taste bitter tears as my soul begins to burn.
I flutter helpless to the ground,
battered by my futile drive.
As life’s breath softly leaves me
I cannot help but gaze into the light.
Soft hands hold my soul
fluttering and exhausted.
My heart dreams
I am warm.
Talking to my old friends, I couldn’t begin a sentence that would refer to Peter without the listener saying something like “Stop! …if this has anything to do with Peter I don’t want to know.” He hurt everyone in my life with all of the pain he brought to me — but some small part of me will always have love for him. I remember once saying to him that either he was the most evil man I’d ever met, or he loved me more than I could understand. I’d walk away when my soul had burned too much and each time I returned to him the warmth was there to welcome me. No quarter asked, none given. I hope he will find peace in his life before it is over. (Original Text June 1998)
(Added May 2001) Peter died on April 16, 2001 after a significantly long struggle of body and spirit; Now he has peace, now HE is warm.
